This is the weekend of our wedding anniversary; the first one since my beloved husband Scott passed away 3 months ago. I’ve had another big milestone day- Mother’s day this month. I wanted to write about celebrating (or not )these milestone days during grieving- for me, as I grieve for both my mother and my husband. No I have not reserved a Table for One to celebrate the anniversary. Hey nothing wrong in dining out alone; I’ve just never done it. I am blessed to have a lot of close family and good friends who happily give me company when I want to dine out. When I say- Table for One, it is also a portrayal of my state of mind; so yes both literally and figuratively.
Continue reading “Happy Anniversary- Table for One Please”Mommy
Dearest Mommy,
Happy Mother’s Day. This is the first Mother’s day without you. It’s almost been 8 months since you passed. I miss you so dearly today and everyday. Last year Mother’s Day, I was walking along the beach, and you and I were Skyping – talking, laughing, and watching the sunrise together, and we went for a morning walk, as was our tradition, anytime I went to the beach. It has been a hard day, although I do practice grieving from a place of joy. I know you are nowhere physically, but lot of times, and more often now, I do feel the warmth, and deep joy as though you are everywhere. Mostly in nature when I’m looking at the passing clouds, or the swaying trees in the wind, or the rain, or the night stars or even how the sunlight comes through the windows in the kitchen, when I’m looking out the window drinking tea. Other times when I look at your picture I have over the fire mantle, I feel a deep sense of calm, and comfort; only thing I can compare to, is as maybe finding a tree shade and getting to drink the coldest water when one has been walking in the heat for hours. That kind of comfort.
Continue reading “Mommy”Validation – why I don’t pursue it Part 1
On the local morning show last week, they talked about a site called, fake a vacation dot com. Yes it sounds like a joke or a Saturday Night Live bit, but unfortunately it’s an actual site, a business.! You send your pictures and choose a popular destination of choice, such as Las Vegas or Hawaii, and they will photo shop you into those locations, so that you can post into social media, and display to friends all the nice vacations you are pretending to take. This is what we have come to, it is so ridiculous, that it’s hilarious. This is the epitome of keeping up with the Joneses. This stems from seeking validation; in context of this post, affirmation, or acceptance from others. To me, validation is an incessant and endless pursuit, below I write why I don’t pursue it!
Continue reading “Validation – why I don’t pursue it Part 1”Grieving from a place of Joy – Part 2
Beautiful picture perfect day with blue sky, and perfect temperature at about 70 degrees. Beautiful Easter service, and brunch with family and friends. A day to celebrate the resurrection. Then it hits me during service as we were singing songs- this is the first Easter since Scott passed. The disbelief hits me hard and fast. Tears roll down my cheeks, as we sing. Wow he really isn’t here, not part of this service, not these songs, not this brunch or this beautiful day! I step away to go to the bathroom and cry for a bit, then re engage myself. Couple of hours later when I’m sitting alone in my living room, I get a cup tea, look out at the beautiful green trees slightly swaying in the wind, and I let it out and Cry profusely. I cried, I listened to Scott’s favorite Hans Zimmer score, and I told him out loud how much I missed him. About 30 minutes later, I called a good friend to meet us at a popular hangout where we could be outdoors. I completely enjoyed the afternoon with some family members, my son S, and my friend.
Continue reading “Grieving from a place of Joy – Part 2”Grieving from a place of Joy – Part 1
We all grieve differently and there is no one right or wrong way to grieve. It had been about 3 weeks since my husband Scott passed away, and about 5 months since my mom passed away. I woke up one morning and said to myself- I want to grieve from a place of Joy, and not sadness. It just came to me as though God had put this thought in my head. But what does that even mean? It almost sounds catchy or something new age. Then I took a couple of days to ponder over it and it will continue on. Thus far for me, this is what grieving from a place of Joy means, and I have been practicing it. Below is roughly what I shared with our family who are all grieving in their own way:
Continue reading “Grieving from a place of Joy – Part 1”